In the past month I:

• Went to and completed Air Assault school.
• Lost my job because my orders ran out and were not renewed.
• Found out I was leaving for flight school in less than 3 weeks.
• Put our first house on the market.
• Signed a contract to sell our house less than 24hrs later.
• Began to PACK like crazy.
• Signed a lease for a house in Alabama.

A lot has happened in a very short amount of time, and I’m beginning to get a grasp on the concept of serving a God who is bigger than anything we can hope or imagine. The problem is, I am so prideful and selfish I can’t get over myself and just let go of my life. I look back and see the joy I used to have when I was following and serving God. I’m so envious of the life I used to lead… it was far from carefree, yet I lived it with complete abandon for God. I was willing to do almost anything he asked at any point. Now I find myself getting bitter and angry over stupid frustrations. I want to let it all go and get back to the simple joy of walking with God. It’s difficult for me to find joy in any of the blessings in my life because I am so distant from God. I haven’t worked out in almost a month, I’m not eating healthy foods, I’m snapping at my wife over little things, I can’t seem to force myself to sit down and read the Bible, and my prayer life is non-existent. Music doesn’t even impact me lately. Music was my life for years, now I haven’t even touched my guitar since last spring, and my favorite songs barely impact me anymore. I feel like I hit some sort of spiritual wall at the end of last year, and I’m still trying to pick up the pieces and put myself back together. I want to love God with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind. I want to follow him. I want to serve him. I just can’t seem to bring myself to do it again, and I don’t really know why.

What I’m seeing lately is that God seems to be blessing me and my family simply because I am his child. I know that nothing I ever do or ever go through can change the fact that I’m God’s son because of Jesus Christ. I am utterly undeserving of any of God’s blessings no matter how good I am, yet even when I’m living so far from God, here they are… over and over again. A job at the right moment. A key contact to branch Aviation. A perfect, healthy, amazing son. Another job opportunity at the right moment. A spot in flight school. Selling our house in less than 24 hours in today’s market. All of this, not to mention having a wonderful wife, a great place to live, health, no debt, cars to drive, food in our pantry, and all of our needs taken care of… What have I done to deserve any of this? And still I’m not satisfied. I want more. This is where I begin to see God’s grace in action. I’ve never done anything to deserve this, even when I was a worship pastor. Living this past year far from God hasn’t changed the fact that I’m his child. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. This life isn’t mine at all. It all belongs to God. I’ve never deserved any of it. If I can wrap my brain around that concept it will change the way I live forever.

I need an awakening in me. Something has to change soon, I just hope it’s for the better. God, please don’t give up on me. I want to serve you again – please help me get back to you. From the inside out, Lord my soul cries out.

I started this post with the intention of writing about all the exciting things that have happened in the past month. Obviously all that needed to come out. I realize I’m being very transparent here, but I don’t care anymore. This is who I am – a man who is struggling to find his way back to God. I just hope that if anyone reads this that you can relate to what I’m going through, and hopefully, when all is said and done, this will help you get back to God too.

Just a heads up ITS Tactical is giving away a Blue Force VCAS – head over there and post up for your chance to win…

http://www.itstactical.com/2009/04/24/its-giveaway-blue-force-gear-vcas-sling/

Seriously – this is the Ness of Burgi – a cape in Scotland that has an old, historic fort on it.

Here’s a link to some information about it: http://shetlopedia.com/Ness_of_Burgi.

How cool is that?

Seriously, this cracks me up. Are we this ingrained in an X-treme sports culture that regular meals-to-go aren’t good enough? Obviously not, since HEB is now offering the extra cool, extra x-treme “Mealz to Go”.

And what is offered in a “Mealz to Go” you ask? Rotisserie Chicken. Very good rotisserie chicken… but not very extreme in my opinion. Ah well…

Saw this sign at the local sushi shop – Catch the chance!

What’s the best “Engrish” sign you’ve seen? Post your finds in the comments below.